Me, Theologian?

It is the 2nd week of classes...and I keep hearing my teacher call me (us students) "Theologians." 

A passing thought came to me last night, "How did I come to be considered a theologian?"  Yes, of course, Stone and Duke in How to Think Theologically states, "To be Christian is to be a theologian.  There are no exceptions."

... None, really?

What if I considered myself an ecclectic Christian, embracing all faiths - does that still make me a Theologian?  or Christian, for that matter?  Can I be both?

How did I, who was reared Buddhist, and a self-professed religious rebel come to be considered a theologian?  Admittedly, I have always visualized a theologian to be a thinker - a philosopher that grows a white beard, male, intellectual, aged, authoritative and living a monastic life, with little or no interface with the world.  How do I fit in this outdated visual I have in my head?  Sounds like I need a new perspective!

I have always considered myself a bhakti, living my life one heart-centered moment at a time.  But now, what..What is Life asking of me?  I need not simply to take my head along, but use it too??

I came to Unity Institute to deepen my spiritual walk and to learn how to apply time-tested universal principles to my life. I love the Unity concept and embrace Unity teachings because they are indeed positive, practical pluses that have helped me live an amazing life.  I came here to learn to help others.

Right now, I feel like I need some help of my own in the overwhelm of having too many questions (...someone make it stop!)

I find myself now constantly grappling with issues of Ultimate Concern:  life and death, the nature of God, the metaphysical theology of sin, good and evil, sense consciousness and the nature of religion versus spirituality and more.    Questions that go round and round, without a provable answer, to which, I end up affirming that my faith is what I choose to believe.

My spouse, on the other hand, is a brilliant thinker and philosopher - he loves to think and talk in philosophical terms.  One of the most admirable qualities about him is the critical way in which he has been trained to look at an issue and be able to ask the right questions...and then proceed to give arguments for both sides.   It appears to be so fluid and easy for him to identify the issues, discuss, compare and contrast and make points that support his argument.  He is a master at thinking critically on his feet and loving conflict - I celebrate him for that! 

As for me, I feel so envious of that ability!  It is a gift to be able to pick up any issue, at any time, anywhere of the day and argue and debate for the sake of debate itself.  I wonder if that is an innate ability, inclination or a learned skill?

As a "Theologian" on training wheels, I grapple with whether or not I am even asking the right questions  , let alone figure out what answers are available to me...and if I do not see the answer I like, can I make it up as I go along?  This is after all, the study of God , and who, really is the authority??

I know it is a time for deep personal spiritual growth (through the exercise of my amazing intellect, of course -- gosh, I hope it doesn't hurt!).

There is a deep yearning within to know, to learn, to understand (especially to 'get' those whose believes differ so much from my own) and yes, even to grapple. 

There is a well-spring of non-stop questioning that goes through my consciousness.  Even though I do feel a bit overwhelmed with the internal process in which I am currently experiencing (It is like a non stop question factory), it is time for  ownership. 

And I am ready (deep breath)...well, as ready as a child learning to ride a bicycle for the first time! 

Timid, a bit nervous, but ready to take it on!

...and who knows, someday, perhaps ... with some skill and practice, I may even be able to let go of the handle bars!   ~ELF